You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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