Whod you bang
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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