im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
