I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
