Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
