She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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