What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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