Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
