so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize