I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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