My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize