sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
