she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
