Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He better not be in your backpack
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
