hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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