Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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