At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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