I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
