How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
