i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize