If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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