I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
