Don't you send me to vm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
