I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
