Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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