i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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