I got chris browned last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
