you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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