Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
