Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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