Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
