But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
