Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
