he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
