new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
