You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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