i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize