Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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