he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
