Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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