Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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