I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drake has all the answers
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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