You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
