I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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