Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
