Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
