bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
