Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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