If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
