Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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