I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are we still banned from the library?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
