I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
