I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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