i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
