Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
