its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
