you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
