why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
