Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
