I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
