Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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