So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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