My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
