Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
