I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
