I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize