your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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