There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
