thus making me awesome and them whores
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize