i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
