he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
