Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
