and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
