I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
