so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize