i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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