I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
