I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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