And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
