omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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