If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
