dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
