Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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