Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
