So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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