Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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