I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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