Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
