what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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