I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
